


I've Been a Wreck Since You've Changed

by fadinglight (flammablelight)



Series: Al's HP One Shots [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anger, Cruelty, Depression, Extremely Dubious Consent, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Lost Time, Master of Death Harry Potter, Memory Loss, Multi, Out of Character, Past Domestic Violence, Past Infidelity, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29734341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flammablelight/pseuds/fadinglight
Summary: Two years after the Battle, Harry is cursed during an Auror case. He loses all memories and his personality dramatically changes. Harry wakes up five years after that with his memory at the time of being cursed restored - but lost the memories between then and waking up. Piecing together the person he became during that time, it becomes obvious why he's lost everyone he ever loved.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy (past), Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley (past), Harry Potter/OMC, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley (past), Pansy Parkinson/Blaise Zabini
Series: Al's HP One Shots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108796
Kudos: 16





	I've Been a Wreck Since You've Changed

**Author's Note:**

> This my first seriously heavy fic, there's not a lot of fluff and it honestly is just going to get worse and worse, crushing on your chest the whole time.  
> I would avoid this if you have any triggering associations with extremely dubious consent (the scene with Harry and Ginny is drawn from my own life).  
> Small amounts of domestic violence.
> 
> All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.
> 
> There is no happy ending here - a large departure from my other works.

Harry grips his wand and follows Susan Bones into the building, the senior Aurors have already cleared the dangerous ring of criminals from the building. They're here to learn crime scene processing and how to handle evidence.

"I can't believe it's our first field assignment," Susan whispered excitedly.

Harry grinned back at her, "I know, Draco forced me to take a sleeping draught last night because I would not shut up about it and just sleep."

Susan gives Harry a cheesy look, "I still cannot believe you two are together, you're both so handsome. What a waste."

"'Mione says it was obvious - 'at least to anyone with bloody eyes, Harry!'" Harry mimics.

They laugh before Senior Auror Dawlish points them over to a cabinet to work on.

"First thing, cast your detection charms, make sure there's no traps on it," Dawlish orders.

Susan and Harry comply, the cabinet glowing a soft mint green.

"Perfect, now open it and-" Dawlish begins but as Harry yanks on the door of the cabinet eagerly, the force of his movement topples the cabinet over onto him.

Harry is crushed under the weight of the cabinet but doesn't feel too badly injured, until a strange looking gem slides down a shelf and onto his forehead. A blinding crimson light envelops Harry, his last thought of Draco and the engagement ring sitting in his desk at work.

❦

Harry woke up in his bed at Grimmauld Place with a start. His mouth tastes god awful, _must be something in one of the healing potions at St. Mungo's_. He reaches out for Draco frantically, relaxing when his hand comes into contact with a warm body beside him. Harry rolled over but froze when the sight of the coppery hair on the pillow came into view. He glanced down at the lightly tanned body, daisy chains tattooed down the spine.

Harry slips out of the bed, horrified. _Oh Godric, I've cheated on Draco - how? Why?!_ Harry grabs some jeans and a shirt off the floor and races down the hall to the bathroom there. He locks himself inside and steps into the shower, scrubbing himself frantically. Harry catches sight of a tattoo on his leg and stares. _I don't have a bloody tattoo - what the fuck?_ Truly beginning to panic now, Harry dresses and runs out of the house.

He Apparated to the small flat that Hermione and Ron shared and banged on the door.

A small Asian witch answered with a, "Who the fuck are you?"

"Er - I'm looking for Hermione and Ron? They live here," Harry demanded.

"I've lived here for two years, bugger off!" The witch slammed the door in his face.

Harry stares at the familiar wooden door which is now closed and turns on the spot, aiming for The Burrow. Harry has barely stopped spinning on the back path when Ginny explodes from the back door, eyes blazing and wand at his throat.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Potter!" Ginny screeches, "Leave!"

Harry's mouth drops open, "Gin, what the hell? You said you were fine with me and Draco!"

Ginny's face twists in fury, "I never said I was fine with you treating him the way you have. Don't you dare pretend to not know why I'm still angry at you!"

"Gin, I swear, I have no idea what I've done to you," Harry pleads.

"I will kill you, leave now or I'll do it, our friendship has nothing left for you to salvage," Ginny spits, her eyes narrowed with hate.

"Harry, please leave," George steps up behind Ginny, wrapping his sister in his arms.

Harry boggles, George looks older than the last time he saw him and his hair is three inches longer. "George - what?"

"Just leave," George sighs.

"Go on, leave! Fuck off!" Ginny screams once more.

Harry turns again and Disapparates to the Ministry, landing in the foyer. He strides off to the elevator bank, pressing the button for the Magical Law Enforcement floor.

Harry steps out onto the floor and sees Susan standing near her desk. "Susan, what the hell happened to me?"

Susan's expression darkens, "You need to leave, Potter."

Harry's hope crumbles, "What do you mean?"

"You're not an Auror anymore, as you well know. Get out of here," Susan snaps.

"Okay, but Draco?" Harry holds his hands in a prayer gesture.

"If you don't wish for me to get fired for hexing you senseless, you'll leave," Susan storms away from him.

Harry has no idea what to do further, so he does the only thing he can think of and Apparates away to St. Mungo's.

"My, you do get around. What is it this time - herpes, syphilis?" An angry looking matron greets him as he arrives in the Emergency Room.

"What? I've never had anything like that!" Harry objects, "Please, tell me, does Draco Malfoy still work here as a trainee Healer?"

The woman gives Harry a look that reminds him of Aunt Petunia, "You will leave Draco alone. You've done enough to him for a life time." 

Harry sinks to his knees, sobbing, "Please, I was cursed yesterday at work and then I wake up today and there's a strange man in my house and Hermione and Ron don't live in their flat and Ginny hates me and I'm not an Auror anymore. Please, help me, something must be wrong."

Harry's wails startle the witch into action, she hikes him up in a rather firm grip on his elbow and drags him off into a consultation room, "Wait here."

Harry's tears continue to fall steadily, he automatically draws his knees up to his chest and curls into a ball. Harry remembers passing days in his cupboard in this position and sobs again. He hasn't felt as helpless as this in a long time.

"Harry."

Harry wipes his tears on the back of his hand and sits up. The tall blonde man in the doorway is his Draco - but it isn't his Draco at all. This man has his hair cut in a neat fashion, short back and sides with the top combed over so it falls in a soft wave across his forehead. The narrow half-moon spectacles perching on his nose are new, as are the lime green robes of a full Healer - not the washed out aqua of a trainee.

"Draco?" Harry scrambles to his feet, hiccuping slightly from the crying fit.

Draco looks him over seriously, casting status charms and taking Harry's vital signs.

"Draco, what the hell is happening? I remember being hit with some red light yesterday and I wake up this morning and there's some man in my bed - I am so sorry, I have no idea but I think I cheated on you. I went to Hermione and Ron's but apparently the witch there had been there for years but we were there on Sunday for brunch. Ginny hates me and I'm not an Auror and you finished your Healer training?" Harry had started to tear up again.

"What is the date today?" Draco asked him.

"Er, 3rd March 2000?" Harry frowned, trying to remember the date of the first field assignment.

"Harry, it's the 2nd of March. In 2005," Draco crosses his arms.

"Oh," Harry said lamely before he fainted.

❦

_Draco hurried through the halls of St. Mungo's, racing from Paediatrics to Spell Damage with his heart in his throat. The Patronus from Susan had been devastating - 'Draco - Harry in Spell Damage - Hurry!' - and he had dropped his bundle of blankets as he sprinted out of the ward. He trusted his boss hearing the message would be sufficient explanation for his absence._

_Draco skidded to a stop in front of a consultation room where Dawlish and Robards stood arguing in low voices. Dawlish looked up at Draco, stepping forward to clap him on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, son." Draco felt tears slip down his cheeks and he barged into the room, needing to see for himself. Bones was hunched in the corner with her head in her arms, not looking up as Draco demanded to know where Harry was. Harry stepped out of the private bathroom adjoining the room, he looked at Draco with curiosity but no recognition._

_"Harry?" Draco stepped toward him and the stranger occupying the body of the man he loved stepped back. "Oh, I don't know you, sorry. Lost everything," Harry tapped his head. Draco nodded, he could do this, he worked with patients with severe memory loss in Spell Damage on his last rotation. "That's okay, love, I'll be here to help and remind you." Harry frowned, "Oh, we're uh-" he gestured wildly between them and made some kind of gesture. "Yes, yes, we live together. You've known me - for better or worse - since we were kids." Harry offered Draco his hand to shake, "Well, we'll see where we end up."_

❦

Harry groaned and vomited into the basin resting beside him on the bed. Draco was sitting on a chair some distance from the bed, neutral look on his face. Harry's heart clenched with grief, Draco hadn't looked at him with that mask since they were younger.

"Draco - what the fuck is going on?" Harry winced as he sat up.

"On the 2nd March 2000, Trainee Aurors Harry Potter and Susan Bones entered the Duffield Mansion to help with clean up of a crime scene. The place had been used by smugglers of dangerous Dark artefacts. Trainee Auror Potter cast a detection charm on a cupboard which showed no danger. He opened the cupboard at the direction of his training officer, Senior Auror John Dawlish. Trainee Auror Potter overestimated the strength used and pulled the cabinet onto himself. It is estimated the cabinet did minimal damage to the Auror, aside from six cracked ribs, however serious curse damage was done by an Australian fire opal with some type of memory curse which resulted in Trainee Auror Potter losing all memories of his life thus far. Trainee Auror Potter was admitted to St. Mungo's at 09:47 in the morning and was pronounced stable with retrograde amnesia with no hope for recovery," Draco read from a file in front of him, "Of course, we'll have to amend the prognosis. What time did you wake up this morning?"

Harry cast a Tempus, "Er, about 09:30?"

"So, the curse took all memories of your life, for exactly five years. Upon waking this morning, an assumed time release on the curse expired and you regained your memories of the day you were cursed and everything proceeding. Nothing since then?" Draco's voice was clinical.

"No, I woke up in bed with some bloke with red hair and tattoos who wasn't you and I panicked and tried to work out what had happened," Harry flinched again at admitting his infidelity.

"That would be Tony, who according to Molly is your latest - boyfriend," Draco's anger broke through the mask briefly.

"But - I love you? I would never l-leave you," Harry stammered, "Was it too much? Me not knowing you?"

Draco's anger was evident on his face but he picked up the file and continued to read dispassionately, "Patient shows extreme changes to personality, according to interviews with his family and friends. Aggression towards his partner, Trainee Healer Malfoy. Resentment towards expectations of him to be the same person he was, arrogance displayed when informed of his status in society. Patient quit job when he became aware of his financial status."

Harry gaped, "Extreme changes to personality? I was aggressive to you?"

Draco picked at some lint on his robes, "Three broken ribs, one broken nose and a severe concussion."

Harry burst into tears again, "Oh Godric, Draco - I'm so sorry!"

Draco gave Harry a complicated look, "Yes, well. That was after the second time I caught you with another man in our bed and told you to go to hell."

"I - I cheated?" Harry sniffled pathetically.

"Lied, cheated, drank yourself to death, beat me, took advantage of Ginny, hurt Hermione and Ron beyond repair, manipulated me," Draco listed tonelessly.

"What do I do? How do I go from here?" Harry was shell shocked.

"Go home, kick out your lover. Make an appointment with Luna, she's a Mind Healer now. She might agree to help you - now anyway," Draco instructed.

Harry shuffled off the bed and stepped towards Draco who flinched visibly, "Draco - I - "

"Just go, please," Draco commanded, "I have two caesarians booked this afternoon. I don't have time for this."

"Congratulations on finishing your traineeship," Harry's voice was rough, "I'm sorry I wasn't there to see it."

"You were - you fucked two of my fellow graduates in the toilets at the after party," Draco's voice was cold.

Harry shuddered and ran to the Floo, vomiting on the floor of his living room when he arrived. 

"Babe, where you been?" 'Tony' spoke from the kitchen steps, "Swear to Salazar, if you been with that whore Jamie again!"

"Get out, get out of my house. I remember nothing about you, I remember being with Draco and being cursed and now I have no idea what happened for the last five years," Harry's throat was dry, "Please, I don't know you, could you just get out?"

Tony threw the mug of tea at Harry's head and stormed out. Harry fixed the wards so he could never come back, headed upstairs and cast an Incendio on the entire bed. He stomped into Sirius' room down the hall and crumpled into the bed, sobbing for the life he had lost.

❦

"Hello, Luna," Harry greeted warmly as he stood in her office.

Luna regarded him coolly, her hair pulled into a wispy bun at the top of her head. Her office was plainer than Harry would have imagined, a single Mimbulus on her desk.

"Hello, Mr. Potter. Healer Malfoy has referred you to me, stating that your retrograde amnesia has turned into something of an anterograde amnesia," Luna's voice had the same clinical tone as Draco's.

"Luna, you won't call me Harry?" Harry sat in a squashy purple chair.

"Healer Malfoy assures me you have no memories past the moment of injury until you awoke three days ago, is that correct?" Luna asked.

"Yes, but why won't you call me Harry?" He pleaded to understand.

"Because if I remain impartial I will treat you better," Luna's knack for uncomfortable truths hadn't changed.

"What did he - I do?" Harry asked, dreading the answer.

"About three years ago you became aware of your former relationship with Ginevra Weasley. You proceeded to get her completely intoxicated on Firewhiskey and fucked her on the lounge in the flat she and I owned. I would say it takes two to tango but I don't believe her blood-alcohol level allowed her to consent properly. I returned home to find you both drunk and entangled, still naked. Unfortunately, her and my relationship was unable to recover," Luna turned away from Harry at this point.

Harry leaned forward and threw his breakfast up into her waste paper basket.

" _Evanesco. Scourgify,_ " Luna cleared up the mess.

Harry shot a Breath Freshening Charm at himself and slumped into the chair, "I-I'm a monster. Luna I - I raped Ginny!"

"You were never charged with a crime," Luna said simply.

"I should have been, Merlin I should be in Azkaban!" Harry cried.

"I believe your first point of action when trying to move forward is to discuss with those you have wronged and find out what you're missing from your memories," Luna advised.

"Can I - ever make amends for this, with you?" Harry asked, leaning forward in his chair.

"I don't know, Harry. I know for you this is new, shocking information. For the people you've hurt it's been five years of constant cruelty on your behalf," Luna replied.

"Can I try?" Harry asked.

"Of course, it is important for your mental health to try to rectify errors of your past. You must understand though, others are not beholden to accept your amends, they can choose to refuse. This is important for _their_ mental health," Luna wrote down some notes on her parchment.

"Where do I begin?" Harry gave her a hopeful look.

"I would talk to Ron and Hermione, Draco has informed the family of your current situation. They will accept you this afternoon at five o'clock. Here is their new address," Luna handed him a slip of paper with 'The Lioness' Library' written on it.

"Thank you, Luna. For what it is worth, I am truly sorry for what I've done," Harry stood.

"I don't accept your apology, purely because you don't know the extent of it," Luna's voice was even, "We can revisit an apology at a later time."

❦

Harry Flooed into The Lioness' Library at five o'clock sharp, happy to see his friends but dreading the reception he might receive.

Hermione and Ron were already seated on a two-seater couch facing the fire.

"Sit," Ron points at a solitary chair just to their right.

"Hi, Hermione, Ron," Harry nervously sits.

"Draco told us you've recovered your memory to the moment of the curse, but nothing after," Hermione comments.

"Yes, although I've heard a little bit of what I'm missing and..." Harry fights another wave of nausea.

"So, you're aware of what you did to my sister," Ron hisses.

Harry nods, "Luna told me. I'm - I'm sorry. I'm horrified."

"Did she tell you what you did to 'Mione?" Ron snarls.

Harry feels the blood leave his face, "No - not Hermione too?"

Hermione scoffs, "As if I would have come near you and alcohol at any point."

Ron's face is feral, "You tried to fuck her on our wedding day."

Harry's eyes shut, clutching his hands on the arm of his chair for support, "Hermione, I'm-"

"You cannot possibly apologise for something you have no memory of doing," Hermione snaps.

"I'm horrified to hear that. It's been three days of just constant nausea," Harry whispers.

"If it helps, Ron put you in a week-long coma for it," Hermione offers.

"A week?" Harry glances at Ron, "I mean, I deserved that, sure."

Hermione and Ron fall silent as Harry grapples with this new information, "Anything else?"

"Just generally being a massive cunt to everyone. We put up with it for a good year and a half. The wedding day and then the thing with Ginny pretty much sealed our family shutting you out," Ron supplies.

"I only lost my memories - how could I become so - so evil?" Harry stammers.

"It was subtle, at first. It was understandable when you couldn't be affectionate, you didn't know us. You didn't want to sleep in the same room with Draco at all. Over time though..." Hermione looked to Ron.

"You were cruel. Nasty. Made Draco and Lucius circa 1995 look like good people," Ron finished.

"I just... Can I fix anything? With anyone?" Harry looked into the faces of the two people who had always been on his side.

"It's hard not to be angry at you, the you we've had for five years," Hermione said, "I know for you it's been like three days since you were cursed."

"It won't be the same, maybe not ever, maybe not for a long time," Ron replied.

"We are glad _you_ are back Harry, but..." Hermione sighed, "for us _you_ died on the 2nd March 2000."

"We grieved you and moved on. We had to, the person you turned into..." Ron's face twisted again.

"I'm gonna go, thank you for seeing me," Harry got up awkwardly.

"We're not ready, for forgiveness," Hermione told him. Harry nodded in response, hanging his head. "We will be doing anything Luna asks of us to help your recovery though."

Harry thanked them again and exited from via the Floo. He sunk to his knees when arriving at Grimmauld, his chest bursting with pain and grief.

_How can I possibly face anymore of this?_

❦

Molly and Arthur Weasley sat stiffly on the couch in Harry's drawing room. Neither of them had touched the tea service he'd put together.

"I've been told that the last five years have been," Harry cast around for the words, "dreadful? Because of me."

Molly's face softened, "You really don't recall any of it?"

"I woke up five days ago thinking it was the morning after I was cursed," Harry replied, "Nothing between the curse and then."

"It's good that you're back to you again, dear. I missed you," Molly sniffed.

Arthur's hand tightened on his wife's knee. "There is just _a lot_ to forgive, Harry," Arthur spoke firmly, "There's a lot that is unforgivable too."

Harry hung his head in shame, "I know. Or - I don't know but I'm starting to get the idea."

Molly frowned at him, "It will take time, for all of us."

Harry fought the urge to cry again, "Thank you for coming to see me."

Molly and Arthur stood, offering curt goodbyes and left for The Burrow.

Harry put his head in his hands and tried to cry, no tears forthcoming. The weight in his chest grew heavier and he was exhausted. Harry abandoned thoughts of cleaning up the tea service and went upstairs to bed.

❦

Harry sits awkwardly in Andromeda's sitting room. Narcissa and Andromeda regard Harry coldly, their resemblance as sisters striking in the identical posture and expressions they wear.

"If I were less of a lady, Mr. Potter," Narcissa sneered, "I would lay you out on the floor."

Harry hears laughing upstairs, the gleeful shriek of a child and stands up, "Teddy?"

Andromeda stands too, "You will not see my grandson."

"Andy, I-" Harry is interrupted by Andromeda's right hook to his nose.

Andromeda shakes her hand, her sister stepping up beside her to examine it, "Luckily, I am not so much of a lady as my sister."

"Fuck, ow!" Harry scrabbles for his wand and casts an Episkey, "You've got a - great arm?"

"You may not remember it, but I do. You heard about your two year old godson and told us in no uncertain terms you didn't want anything to do with him," Andromeda scowls, "He has no memory of you. As far as he knows, Ronald and Draco are his godparents."

Harry feels tears prickle his eyes - not from the broken nose at all. "I can't believe it-"

"Believe it, I had to pick up the pieces of you telling Drommy that she was some money grubbing spinster who was clearly trying to con a 'celebrity' out of child support," Narcissa scolded. "Never mind that she has never asked you for a Knut!"

Harry stared at the picture of who he assumed was Teddy sitting happily in Hermione's lap on the coffee table. A little boy clutching a stuffed dragon looks up at Hermione in wonder and his hair changes to match her mass of tight curls.

"Of all the things I've done while I was - not me - abandoning Teddy feels the worst," Harry groans.

"I don't know, my son taking you back for the second time and then you fucking one of his friends in your bed so he would discover you deliberately was pretty atrocious," Narcissa replied, "He rightfully was furious with you and you then put him in the hospital."

Harry squeezed his eyes shut and asked a question he knew he'd regret, "Which friend?"

"Theodore Nott," Andromeda answered.

Harry nodded, he'd always suspected Theo had a crush on him. He avoided hanging out with him and Draco because of it. Draco had told him he was crazy and that Theo was just a bit shy.

"Draco told me that I hurt him," Harry whimpered, "I cannot believe I did that. It feels - to me - like last week that I asked you for your permission to marry him."

"The ring was found by Draco when he went to clear out your desk," Andromeda told him, "It was after the first time he caught you cheating."

"It took me a week to convince my son to pick himself up off the floor of his flat and stop drinking himself into an early grave," Narcissa could have cut glass with the tenor of her voice.

"I'll never be able to make anything right, with any of you," Harry stared at the carpet, "Will I?"

Andromeda looked away again, "I don't know. I just don't know."

❦

Harry stumbled into Luna's office, bone tired and disoriented.

"Have you been drinking, Mr. Potter?" Luna asked with narrowed eyes.

"Harry." He slumped into the purple chair, sighing loudly, "No. I got rid of the booze in my house after hearing about the Ginny thing. I'm just not sleeping very well."

"When was the last time you slept more than a few hours?" Luna asked.

"I sleep all the time, I think I got fifteen hours last night. I just don't feel rested," Harry replied.

Luna nodded, "Do you find it hard to work up an appetite?"

"Yes," Harry agreed.

"It's not surprising that with everything you've heard about yourself recently," Luna seemed more kind, "you've become depressed."

Harry's mouth fell open in shock, "Depressed? I-" Then Harry remembered how he'd been for the first three months after the war had ended. "Oh, yeah. I'm depressed."

"Very understandable, like I said," Luna replied, "It would be more surprising if you weren't."

"Luna, I - need to know it all. I want to know - what I've done," Harry's voice was pained.

"How do you propose you find out?" Luna was giving him a speculative look.

"Do you think - we could write to people and ask if they'd be willing to give me their memories," Harry felt awkward, "and I can watch them. I need to see the extent."

Luna crossed her fingers and placed them on her desk, "That could be extremely traumatic. For yourself, I mean."

Harry shook his head, "I need to see. I don't want to be ignorant of my sins."

Luna eyed Harry for a few minutes, "I'll write to them and explain. Do you want to write the list of people or do you trust me to recognise who you need to hear from?"

"I trust you," Harry's response was quick.

"Very well," Luna started to write, "I will owl you when I know more."

❦

Luna had advised Harry that she, Hermione, Draco and Pansy would be at his house in two days at noon. Harry spent the time between the letter and the appointment vacillating between chilling fear and morbid curiosity.

The living room Floo shone violently green, Hermione and Pansy stepped through into the room and looked at Harry warily.

"Potter, Draco tells me you're back," Pansy gave Harry a look she hadn't fixed him with since school.

"Yes, but no memories of the time between," Harry tried to give her a friendly smile.

"Which is what we're here to correct," Pansy surmised.

"Yeah, Luna thinks it will help with my treatment," Harry agreed.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Harry?" Hermione actually looked nervous for him.

"I need to know what I've done, I can't live my life in ignorance while the rest of you have these awful memories," Harry hoped she understood.

"Alright," she didn't sound convinced.

Draco and Luna Apparated into Harry's hallway, he hurried out to greet them. Draco shoved a box which was chinking slightly at Harry and got a firmer grip on the Pensieve he and Luna were carrying.

"Where is this going?" Draco grunted.

"Living room," Harry hurried ahead of them and placed the box on the coffee table. Draco and Luna hoisted the Pensieve onto the table beside it, Hermione casting a Strengthening Charm on the table as it groaned under the weight.

"These are colour coded, green to begin, moving onto orange and then black," Luna instructed. "We're going to start with the green ones."

Harry poured the first memory in the Pensieve, dunking his head in and falling into a consultation room.

_"Look, I've told you stop fucking fussing over me!" Harry snapped at Hermione, who recoiled into Ron's arms._

_"I'm sorry, Harry, we're just so-" Hermione was cut off._

_"Yes, yes. Everyone is so worried about me. 'Oh, Harry, how could break up with Draco? He's the love of your life!' He was a decent shag but he's so clingy, can't handle sharing me," Harry sneered._

_"Mate, you're bang out of line," Ron chided._

_"For the last fucking time, I'm not your fucking mate! I don't even know you. I don't understand why I'm friends with any of you, honestly," Harry crossed his arms and turned his back on them._

_Ron led a weeping Hermione from the room, neither of them looked back._

Harry was ejected from the memory as it ended, gasping as he sprawled back on his buttocks. He grabbed another green vial and tipped it into the Pensieve, forcing his head into it again.

_Harry strides into the Auror Department and stands on the closest desk, "Listen up, I'm only saying it once. I quit, I'm rich as fuck and frankly you all seem a little boring. Who's the boss?"_

_Robards steps up to the desk, "Potter, what are you doing?"_

_"Ah, you're the chief goody-goody. Cool, here's the badge back," Harry pings it off Robard's bald head, "I burnt the robes. I'm out of here, enjoy being a bunch of paper pushing wimps!" Harry jumped off the desk and exited the room._

The memory spits Harry out onto the floor again. Harry goes through the orange memories quickly.

_Harry is telling Andromeda she's a gold digger and he won't support her shitty grandchild and to fuck off - Harry asks Pansy if her unborn child is really Blaise's - Harry tells Molly that she's not his mother and she can stick her concerns up her ass - Harry is thrown out of George's shop for hitting on the underage Hogwarts student working a summer job - Harry tells Luna she's insane and he's surprised they tolerate her - Harry being beaten to half to death by Ron for trying to hit on Hermione while she cries from beside her ruined wedding cake - Harry fighting with Draco - Harry fighting with Bill - Harry fighting with Draco again - Harry hitting on Narcissa and telling her she's hotter than her son, Narcissa being stopped from cursing him with Cruciatus by a furious Draco - Harry trying to talk Charlie into bed_

Harry pulls out gasping for air.

"I think you need to take a break, Harry," Hermione looks truly concerned now.

"The black ones!" Harry demands.

Luna hands him the first one but places a hand on his wrist, "The black ones are the worst. You won't come back from knowing about these and rest easily."

"I have to know, Luna. Please," Harry is on his knees and begging.

She releases his wrist and he tumbles into the memory.

_Harry is handing Ginny another cup of Firewhiskey. "Drink it, go on, you deserve to relax," Harry wheedles._

_"Yeah! Ha-harpy trainin'sard. I'm 'sausted," Ginny slurs and leans on Harry._

_Harry's hand creeps under Ginny's skirt, "I can make you feel better." He runs his lips over her neck._

_"Stoppit, Harry. Love Lune," Ginny is struggling with her words._

_"But you loved me first, didn't you," Harry is pressing kisses over her jaw._

_"S'not same," Ginny slumps over him and presses a kiss to his cheek._

_Harry presses her into the couch, the memory becoming hazy and only flashes of panting, nakedness and vague awareness follow._

Harry pulls out of the memory, having seen enough to know the horrific thing he's done.

"Harry, I don't think you should keep going," Luna advises.

"The second black one," Harry demands, "Now."

Draco is the one to hand him the memory, his hand shaking slightly.

_Harry is nuzzling Theo's neck, hips working as he pounds into the skinny brunette. Draco drops the bag of curry he's brought with him on the floor._

_"Harry!" Draco's shout is registered by Theo and he leaps up._

_"Draco, I didn't know! He said you broke up!" Theo grabs his clothes and races out the door._

_Draco turns to look at Harry who is scowling at him, "What, you couldn't wait 'til I finished to interrupt?"_

_Draco gives Harry a cold look, "You're disgusting. I don't know who you are, but I certainly am finished letting you hurt me. Don't ever fucking talk to me again."_

_Draco walks away, heading to the living room Floo when he's pushed down the remaining stairs. He lands awkwardly at the bottom, faint groans coming from him._

_"You're a shit shag, anyway," Harry steps over him and leaves the house._

_The memory shimmers, Harry realises someone else's memory has been added to Draco's. The house is dark and it is clearly now night time._

_Pansy steps into the living room Floo, "Draco, love, you missed dinner. Blaise said - Draco!" Pansy's panicked yells do nothing to rouse Draco and she Apparates him away._

_She lands in St. Mungo's with Draco cradled in her arms, screaming for help._

Harry pulls out of the memory and he's distraught. He feels the press of panic in his lungs - he cannot live with everything he's done. He places the tip of his wand under his chin and cries out, " _Avada kedavra!_ "

❦

_Harry looks around, he knows where he is. King's Cross Station. Harry whirls around and sees Dumbledore, standing behind him and smiling benignly._

_"Hello, again, sir," Harry greets the man._

_"Rather sooner than one might have hoped, Harry," Dumbledore looks dissatisfied._

_"I... I can't live with what I've done," Harry casts his eyes at the misty ground._

_"You can't live with it, so you didn't," Dumbledore's voice is sad, "Yet, those you love will be forced to exist with not only the memories of what you did when you had lost your memory, but now the grief and guilt that comes with your death?"_

_"I... Oh," Harry realises he has to go back._

_"I'll see you again, my boy. When the time is right," Dumbledore's eyes twinkle._

❦

"Harry!" Hermione is clutching him to her chest and sobbing, Draco is trying to pry her fingers from his jumper.

"'Mione," Harry whispers.

Hermione squeaks and drops him before he sits up.

"What the actual fuck, Potter!" Pansy is livid.

"I - sorry - I didn't really think that through," Harry stammers.

"I need to leave, get him to St. Mungo's for a check up," Draco's voice is in the hall and Harry hears the front door slam.

"Hermione, can you take him? Pansy and I will clean up here," Luna's voice is calm, considering.

"Of course, Harry take my hand I'll Apparate you," Hermione says and whisks him away.

❦

Harry shuffles into his kitchen to make a cup of tea, groaning when his back twinges. "Dying bloody hurts," Harry grumbles to himself, "no one ever tells you that."

"I imagine no one is stupid enough to do it more than once," Draco's voice is acidic behind him.

Harry whirls around, dropping the mug on the floor, "Hi."

Draco's sitting with his arms crossed in the chair he used to occupy in Harry's house. "I see you're still alive."

"Yes, Luna has me in every two days for a session though," Harry mumbles, cleaning up the smashed mug with a Reparo.

"So, you've got a good idea why everyone hates you, then," Draco states bluntly.

Harry sits down cautiously opposite him, "Yes, I understand completely."

"Don't go around killing yourself out of some kind of cowardice, I don't think Molly could handle it," Draco snaps.

"Draco... Is there any way I can convince you to give me a second chance?" Harry pleads.

"Third," Draco corrects.

"Third chance," Harry agrees.

Draco sighs and pulls a box out of his pocket and flicks it across the table to Harry. He opens it and sees the ring he'd bought for Draco just after Christmas 1999. The gold band had been engraved with Celtic lover's knots, Harry had seen it by chance when out in Muggle London and thought it perfect for Draco. 

"You kept it," Harry croaked.

"Merlin knows why, it's not like I thought you would ever want it again," Draco drawled.

Harry nods, not liking the track of conversation, "What brings you here?"

Draco crosses his arms again, "We pulled the gem that cursed you out of storage, Unspeakables have been testing it since you... became you again. They've cracked what the curse was. Nasty little thing called _Quinquennium Doloris_ \- literally 'five years of pain'. Causes the cursee to lose all their memories and act out of character for five years. They questioned the smugglers, one of the witches remembered the gem. She said it was an old curse, designed to hurt enemies of Dark Magic practitioners. The gem belonged to my dearest Aunt Bella as it turns out. Mother remembers Rodolphus gave her a box of gems which was heavily warded on their wedding day, she suspects that's how Bellatrix had it."

"So, I..." Harry felt the twist of hope in his chest.

"You were pushed by the curse to act differently than how you normally would," Draco confirmed, "Not that it makes it any easier for anyone to accept. Ginevra in particular has said that she does not care."

Harry swallowed, "As is her right."

Draco stood and eyed the ring box, "I'll leave that with you."

"Wait!" Harry nervously crossed the kitchen.

Draco raised an eyebrow imperiously, "What?"

Harry thrust out his hand, "Hi, I'm Harry Potter. It's nice to meet you."

Draco's mouth twitched in amusement, he took Harry's hand firmly, "Draco Malfoy, nice to meet you."

Harry's fear subsided a little, "I'll see you around, Draco."

"I suspect you will, Harry," Draco left through the kitchen Floo.

**Author's Note:**

> The ending was never going to be clean and happy, I knew that from the start. If you need something light hearted to wash any upset away, might I recommend any of the Try Guys costume videos on YouTube - they have the worst (yet best) innuendo and it's funny. Let me know what you thought.


End file.
